Just praying to a God that I believe in...

Is it possible to be heartbroken when you haven't been rejected by someone? I've been trying to place a name to the uneasy feeling that I've had recently, but it's been darn near impossible to figure out. And then I came across this beautiful cover of The Script's "Breakeven"... and it's strange. It's almost as if with every hit of that "replay" button, some wayward thought rises up from the recesses of my subconscious, and clicks into place on the infinite puzzle of my thoughts.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just praying to a God that I believe in

I got time while she got freedom

'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst

'Cause she finally met a man who's gonna put her first

I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no...

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

And I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces...

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

She's moved on while I'm still grieving

'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces...

Of course, something about it is still not quite right, but the lyrics have stirred something deep inside of my subconscious that I'm still trying to figure it. Taken out of context, and disregarding the genders written into the lyrics, this is pretty much it. My mind is just one big beautiful mess right now.

One thought that I've been playing with though... it's not so much that my heart has been broken by someone. It may just be that I'm breaking my own heart. There's a battle being fought right now between what I so purely want, and what I keep telling myself I should maintain. It was easier before when I could keep them at a distance, but now the two sides are merging closer and closer...

Here's the line, it's been drawn. I see the sentries from each side inching close to the border, lobbing pebbles across, almost as if they are mocking me. I don't want to play this game anymore. Stop me now, before a rock hits me, and I'm shattered to pieces.

Then again... in a way, I've always lived in pieces. Maybe it's time to meld them together.