"I think the All Wise often thinks beyond the words of our prayers and gives us the real thing."

- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Sometimes, we pray for something... pray for it so hard and with such desperation that it seems to us like a sin for God to not answer it. Please, heal my mother's cancer. Please, help my dad find a job. Please, I will do anything if you bring my brother home.

I was reading a memoir that my mom borrowed from the library, "Finding Grace" by Donna VanLiere, and one passage in particular stuck out. I'm mostly going to quote it just for reflection purposes. These may not be my original thoughts, but I feel that her words capture the essence of the topic beautifully:

"I opened the Bible one morning before working on a writing assignment and read the story of a young man named Lazarus who lived with his two sisters. Lazarus grew ill... His sisters sent for their friend Jesus because they knew he could heal their brother. It was a good thought but that was their plan, their way. Jesus didn't come and their brother died. Surely, God saw their circumstances and heard their cries. Why didn't he do something? "

Many of us pray with conviction and then expect that our exact request will be fulfilled. When things don't follow through as we hoped, we lose faith. Why, why didn't you do anything?

"When mourners inside the home heard that Jesus was coming Mary stayed put, settled in her grief, but Martha ran out to meet him. She pointed out the obvious and said, "If you had been here my brother would not have died. Then she said, 'But.'

'But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask,' Martha said. 'I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God.'

There's Martha. Her eyes are swollen, her heart is fractured, and the sound of wailing echoes from the walls of her home yet she still believes there's more to her circumstances than just grief and moaning and the prevailing stench of death. We stand alongside her in our own way- the limping throng who have been beaten down, wearied by trials, bruised from the past, and flogged by circumstances but in the end we cling to the smallest shred of faith.

I know I lost my job but... I know he left me for another woman but... I know my son is on the streets but... I know my spouse is dead but... I know my mother's an alcoholic but... I know my dream has shattered but... I know I can't have children but... I know my brother Lazarus has died but... I- still- believe."

Faith is not that smiling, overzealous lady who has never doubted her beliefs once in her entire lifetime. True faith requires a degree of confusion, doubt, and questioning. Sometimes even anger.

"If faith came with a guarantee, some sort of spiritual warranty, then we'd never have an opportunity for it. God could just drop it in a bag and hand it to us like some eternally happy retail clerk."

And in the end, after being dead for four days, all if took was for Jesus to say "Lazarus, come out!", and the sisters had their brother back again... alive. It is predictable that God will take care of us; it is how he will do it that is unpredictable. And it may not always be in the way that you hope for, but some way... some how you will gain peace.

Maybe he won't cure your mother, and maybe your dad still can't find a job... but in His own way, He'll pull you through. And one day, despite it all... you'll be happy. Don't say He hasn't answered your prayers when your life hasn't ended yet.